There’s No Fool like an Old Fool

“There’s no fool like an old fool”. That’s right. Right because I understood this the hard way. It happened last year in the month of July.

I am on the wrong side of forty. Wrong because, what should not expand, expands. What should not shrink shrinks. The heart clings to youth. Body moves to old. I used to accompany my daughter to her college. She was a First Year student there. Fresh out of school. The college was just across the block.

She used to be there at the bus-stop. Waiting, for her college van. We regularly passed each other. Our eyes met. She smiled. I smiled back at her. She was a beauty. Low waist jeans hung to her curves. Tight fitting shirt whispered about the beauty inside. Rest was left to imagination. Being a writer I was good at that. Before she disappeared from my sight, my imagination would begin to run riot. I would undress her slowly in my imagination. Taking off the clothes, one by one. Slowly. My dream would be about exploring, caressing… I should stop at this. Did I tell you about her age? She was my daughter’s age you see. She smiled seeing me. I smiled back at her. A smile full of lust. A wicked smile. I had become Nabokov’s H H, who eyed Lolita and said,”Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins”. One day I was amazed to see her in my house.

“Papa, she is my friend, Rita”, my daughter hugged me.

Oh! She is a friend of my daughter. Many of her friends had come and gone. But, she was different.

“Hello Mr. Singh! I am so happy to see you. We always meet in the way. Today I have the opportunity to talk to you”, Rita said smiling.

She sat there with Shiela for quite a long time. Though I was sitting in my room my ears were fixed to their talk. All Mmmm… Hmmmm… I was hearing. I didn’t know what had taken me over. I was bowled over by her. The day passed thinking of her. Night was tormenting. Then came the next day.

“Sir, Sir, Mr. Singh!”

I turned back listening to her voice. She was there.

“Sir, I have brought a book for you. Please read the first page”. She handed me the book. Her fingers touched mine. Was it intentional!

I rushed to my house and went straight to my room. I opened the book in anticipation. What! It had a letter.

“Dear Mr. Singh,

Sir, The way you see me while passing by does something to me. I feel different. I am transported to a different land. I have developed a deep longing for you. Please accept me in your life. I want to be yours and yours only. With love and :-D

Yours and yours only

Rita”.

The letter nearly dropped from my hand. I was wet with mischievous excitement. I was in a different land. A land of lust and wicked imagination. The night was spent with her in that land.

Next day. She was there, waiting for me. She rushed to me. I also came near her with anticipation.

“Sir. I skipped my college today. Let’s go to some place and spend the day. You and me together!” she was beaming.

“Wh… What? Skipped your college. Why?” I was feeling uneasy now. I was taken aback.

“Sir, I want to be with you, Sir! I want your company Sir. I befriended Shiela to come near you. I want to live with you Sir. Please”. She was eager and anxious.

I had fallen into a bottomless abyss. Live with me! Was she out of her mind! Had she suggested about sex I would have readily obliged. I would have even fixed up a place. Both of us would have enjoyed! But living. No, No! That was out of question. I am a married man. I have a wife, a grown-up daughter. I had my reputation. How can I? This girl seems to be of loose character. Not worth knowing. I should keep away from the likes of her. One night is O.K. But every night! No, No! Can’t be.

“ Sir. You seem to be in some trouble. O.K. If not living then accept me as a friend. I want to tell everybody that you and I are friends”, she winked at me and stroked my hand gently.

“Nooo! You will not do anything like this”. I shoved her hand away. “I’ll meet you afterwards. I have some urgent work to do”. I sped away to my home.

I was nervous. What if she tells somebody? My daughter was her friend. If she confides in her! Others! I was in trouble. Deep, deep trouble! I returned back late to my home in the night, fearing for the worst. I tip-toed to my room. Nothing of that sort happened. Only few inquiries by my wife for coming late. That’s all. Whew! A sigh of relief.

“Papa. Rita has given me this book. She has asked me give it to you”. Shiela greeted me with these words as I came back home next day.

“What! Where! Which book? “. I felt as if the earth cracked beneath me and I was sinking in it. I went to my room. My feet were heavy. I had to drag them all the way. With shaking hands I opened the book. It had a letter. I opened it and read it slowly.

“Dear Uncle,

I am sorry to have troubled you so much. Uncle, I am your daughter Shiela’s friend. I am your daughter’s age. Uncle, I am just like a daughter to you. I smiled to you as a daughter. But Uncle, you eyed me in a way which was disgusting. Will you eye Shiela in this way? I am also somebody’s daughter. Just because I am not your daughter I am a game. I am a plaything! I don’t have any self-respect! You are ready to enjoy me but are unwilling to take my responsibility. Am I just a body, Uncle! Don’t I have any feelings! Shouldn’t I be respected as a human-being? Being a girl, Uncle, is a crime? How would you feel if my father has same feelings towards Shiela as you have towards me? Uncle, we are strange! We clean our house and throw the garbage in the street outside. But, Uncle we forget that we also walk on the same street. Somebody’s garbage may fall on us also.

I want to point towards your wrong behavior. To make you realize you are wrong. Your daughter’s friend and fit enough to be your daughter,

Rita”.

The letter had become too heavy to hold. It required great effort. Suddenly all the energy seemed to have deserted me. I felt a lump in my throat. The words became hazy and wet with tears. The guilt. The shame. All escaped through the eyes. With tears. I must have kept standing there for an hour. I felt so small before my own daughter. I had fallen down in my own eyes. What have I done! Only I know how the day passed and how I drifted into sleep.

Next day. I was feeling fresh and clean. Shiela and I started for the college on the older route. Rita was standing there. She smiled mischievously at me.

“Hello, Mr. Singh!”

“No Rita. Hello, Uncle”.

All three of us started laughing. Then I took her in my embrace. My daughter. Our eyes became wet. Me. And my two daughters. Rita and Shiela. The old fool was nowhere to be seen.

-MAKUSR